When you fall down, you must pick yourself up and continue living

I have some terrible news today. Yesterday, I had to put Louize down. It was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life and I wasn't ready. I had been preparing myself because I knew that if I had one more year with her, I would be lucky, but no matter what you do you're never ready to say goodbye to your best friend.

Yesterday started as any other day, went to Witter to do chores, stopped at Maine Horse & Rider to get a few things and treats, and then decided to stop in at the barn to give my horses their dewormer. Louize was in her stall so I opened the door and almost immediately, I knew something was wrong. She was staring at the corner and she seemed weird. Not 5 minutes went by and she coughed up a glob of spit and her omeprazole for her stomach. She was choking. I took her out to lunge her around to try to help get things moving and she kept coughing, she pooped a few times (good, not colic), and she peed 3 times... that was weird. She never pees that much. I also had to really work to get her going and I felt awful forcing her to go but I had to. I called he vet and he was too far out to get there quickly so when my mom was done getting her truck fixed up, she hooked up the trailer and we took her to Foxcroft. Once we got there, she was just shaking and shaking, I just thought it was nerves because that happens to her a lot. We got the choke out and she seemed okay until the sedation wore off. She wasn't walking very fast, almost like she was exhausted and couldn't walk any more. I took her to some grass and she grabbed a few bites, chewed a little, and just stopped. She didn't even swallow the grass. She then just took herself into the barn there, looked around a little, looked back at me, and walked into a stall and just stood there. She was shaking everywhere. All of her muscles were shaking, her breathing was faster than it should be and it sounded like it was taking a lot of effort to breathe. After over an hour waiting to see if she would improve, we decided to take some blood and run some tests.

While we waited, nothing improved. She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't drink. Her eyes just had a stare like she had checked out. The blood work came back. Her calcium was unmeasurably high. Her protein was incredibly low. Her kidneys were shutting down (which explains all of her urination, her body was just getting rid of her fluids because her kidneys couldn't process anything). She was going into renal failure and there was nothing we could do to help her. We had to make the hardest decision ever, but if I had to make a choice I would rather Louize make it for us and she did. She was preparing herself to leave us. We did it on the trailer so we could take her back to our barn to have her buried. I couldn't be there when the vet did it but she went very peacefully and I'm glad. Her suffering and health issues were over. She's now at peace in heaven in endless green pastures with all the treats she can eat. Jason, my barn owner, was very helpful and had a hole dug by the time we got back. He buried her for us and even let us get a couple of apple trees to place by her to always remember her. My mom trimmed her forelock, mane, and tail so I could have that. I'm sending some of her tail hair to Tail Spin to get a bracelet braided with it with a charm with her name engraved on it.

I'll miss her forever. There won't be a day that goes by that I won't think of her. At least I have Yada and some really great friends around to help me get through this. Yada really helped today because she knew I was sad and she made sure she was on her best behavior. I don't know when I'll feel better but thinking back on all the great memories I have with Louize helps me feel better. If I could go back I still would have bought her. I might have changed a couple of things about barns I took her to, but I would never regret buying her or anything I've done to fight for her. She was 100% worth it and I can't wait to spend my next 20+ years with Yada.