When you fall down, you must pick yourself up and continue living

I have some terrible news today. Yesterday, I had to put Louize down. It was probably the hardest thing I have ever had to do in my life and I wasn't ready. I had been preparing myself because I knew that if I had one more year with her, I would be lucky, but no matter what you do you're never ready to say goodbye to your best friend.

Yesterday started as any other day, went to Witter to do chores, stopped at Maine Horse & Rider to get a few things and treats, and then decided to stop in at the barn to give my horses their dewormer. Louize was in her stall so I opened the door and almost immediately, I knew something was wrong. She was staring at the corner and she seemed weird. Not 5 minutes went by and she coughed up a glob of spit and her omeprazole for her stomach. She was choking. I took her out to lunge her around to try to help get things moving and she kept coughing, she pooped a few times (good, not colic), and she peed 3 times... that was weird. She never pees that much. I also had to really work to get her going and I felt awful forcing her to go but I had to. I called he vet and he was too far out to get there quickly so when my mom was done getting her truck fixed up, she hooked up the trailer and we took her to Foxcroft. Once we got there, she was just shaking and shaking, I just thought it was nerves because that happens to her a lot. We got the choke out and she seemed okay until the sedation wore off. She wasn't walking very fast, almost like she was exhausted and couldn't walk any more. I took her to some grass and she grabbed a few bites, chewed a little, and just stopped. She didn't even swallow the grass. She then just took herself into the barn there, looked around a little, looked back at me, and walked into a stall and just stood there. She was shaking everywhere. All of her muscles were shaking, her breathing was faster than it should be and it sounded like it was taking a lot of effort to breathe. After over an hour waiting to see if she would improve, we decided to take some blood and run some tests.

While we waited, nothing improved. She wouldn't eat. She wouldn't drink. Her eyes just had a stare like she had checked out. The blood work came back. Her calcium was unmeasurably high. Her protein was incredibly low. Her kidneys were shutting down (which explains all of her urination, her body was just getting rid of her fluids because her kidneys couldn't process anything). She was going into renal failure and there was nothing we could do to help her. We had to make the hardest decision ever, but if I had to make a choice I would rather Louize make it for us and she did. She was preparing herself to leave us. We did it on the trailer so we could take her back to our barn to have her buried. I couldn't be there when the vet did it but she went very peacefully and I'm glad. Her suffering and health issues were over. She's now at peace in heaven in endless green pastures with all the treats she can eat. Jason, my barn owner, was very helpful and had a hole dug by the time we got back. He buried her for us and even let us get a couple of apple trees to place by her to always remember her. My mom trimmed her forelock, mane, and tail so I could have that. I'm sending some of her tail hair to Tail Spin to get a bracelet braided with it with a charm with her name engraved on it.

I'll miss her forever. There won't be a day that goes by that I won't think of her. At least I have Yada and some really great friends around to help me get through this. Yada really helped today because she knew I was sad and she made sure she was on her best behavior. I don't know when I'll feel better but thinking back on all the great memories I have with Louize helps me feel better. If I could go back I still would have bought her. I might have changed a couple of things about barns I took her to, but I would never regret buying her or anything I've done to fight for her. She was 100% worth it and I can't wait to spend my next 20+ years with Yada.

What a summer

It has been exactly one month since my last post. I said I was going to try to post more often but we see how well that is working. Between working 35+ hours a week at Lowe's, doing 2 - 4 chores a week at Witter (1.5 - 2 hours each chore), doing my training sessions Tuesday afternoons from 11 - 1, my class time Monday nights 6 - 8, and fitting in time for my own two horses it becomes very difficult to remember to post on here! So here are my horse updates!

My summer class is going well (it's an equine management course because I'm adding an equine science minor to my degree)! I am learning not a whole lot that I didn't already know yet but the better stuff is coming. On the plus side, I can tell 11 Standardbred bay mares apart! At Witter, they deal strictly in Standardbreds except for their one exception: Francis, a draft cross gelding (the only gelding there) meant for larger, taller riders). They have 14 horses total. Francis who is a gelding, Roadshow who is a stallion, and all of the mares are bay except for one: Whitey... who is obviously a gray, haha! In my training session, we've been learning about fitting tack on a horse, grooming, and lunging. The only thing I didn't know was the helpful tips about fitting tack so that was nice to learn. Yesterday I learned how to mount a horse! GASP! However, we're required to get on and off on both sides... I can't get off on the right. It's something I clearly need to practice!

Yada is doing very well! She's looking great and I even replaced her halter! She has little fits once in a while and yanks really hard on the cross ties. However, the cross ties at my barn are very solid and so she ends up tearing the holes in her halter before getting loose from the cross ties. She has now ripped two halters and I finally gave in and replaced it. This one has fleece on the cheeks, head stall, and nose band! Now hopefully her face will regrow the hair that got rubbed off! I also got a tan halter because it won't show as much dirt since the pretty yellow one I got her before got all nasty and dirty.

Louize is also doing a little better! We have been having a really hard time keeping weight on her lately and it's been a pretty big concern of mine. I wrote out her feed schedule so that way there can't be any mix ups (there were some a couple of months ago about what she should be eating). Now she seems to be doing very well now that it is very clear what she should be getting on a daily basis because it's written out for everyone to see. I also added flax seed oil to her grain to add more fat and the omega 3 from the flax is good for her joints. She seems to be gaining some weight! It's coming slowly but she is. I might have to bump her to the full pump of oil (1 oz. per feeding rather than the half that she's currently getting). I want her to be fat before winter comes swooping back in. My great friend, Rose, has also offered to do some deep tissue massage on her once a week to see if that helps her loosen up and relax because relaxing will help her a lot since she already has stress-related ulcers and she can get stressed out fairly easily and it seems to be doing well for her. She's a lot more relaxed and her muscles are not as tense as they used to be. I'm so happy to see her really enjoying the massages, too!

Louize is also only put into pastures with grass and docile horses. Jason and I don't want her being picked on or chased around whatsoever so she gets only the nicest of friends. She's in with Ohana (a standardbred mare who LOVES Louize and no one else, haha) and a palomino gelding who just showed up... I still have yet to learn his name. She seems very happy in her pasture with grass and lots of friends! Jason tried putting her in a pasture with some grass but she was alone and unhappy so he put her with lots of grass to see if that would help but she hated being alone. He found her one friend, but he was nervous being moved so she got nervous and neither of them ate any grass. We finally tried Ohana, who quickly went to eating grass and Louize followed suit. I was so glad to see them get along so well! It helps that Louize hates picking fights and Ohana can probably sense that Louize is older and doesn't want to fight.

I would add pictures but Blogger is being completely stupid and won't let me. It's great. I want to break it.